De-Centering the Gaze
I’ve been thinking a lot about validation lately, how easy it is to chase attention without realizing it’s not even what you need. Everyone says “decenter men,” but at the end of the day, it’s really about re-centering yourself (but not too much that shit makes you go loco). BUT tuning in. Asking why you’re doing what you’re doing.
There are days I catch myself dressing more boyish/ oversized, low-key not because I feel like it, but because I don’t want to expect anything from guys. It’s weirdly peaceful when you remove yourself from the male gaze just with an outfit. I remember when I shaved my head 4 years ago and was single, life was a lot quieter than now being single with longer hair, I know it sounds stupid, but it’s true. And so sometimes it just feels relaxing to me to use clothes as an indicator that I’m not interested, even though it shouldn’t be an indicator at all.
There’s no shame in wanting to be seen. The only trap is pretending it’s not what you’re after and not understanding why it feels so shallow. Do what you want, but make sure it’s for reasons that don’t leave you feeling worse after, I tell myself these things. Do you trick your brain with clothes too?